A note to you: Why relationships build walls....
You told me that I have barriers but you also need to understand that the things that have happened in the relationship have made me feel not secure about you. I don't think you understand how much you mean to me. I love you, I really do, but you need to understand the following because without this information then you will not see how damaged I am and how it affects our relationship. I mention it not to bring it up but because I want to work with you. I want our relationship to last. I know we are young but we function, so well honestly.
I want you to understand the actual relationships I had and I feel like you do to a certain degree but how it drags into our relationship. It is not that I do not trust you because although you may not feel the same, you are so pure to me. You bring me such warmth and uplift me in ways that I cannot begin to thank you for.
I started off high school bubbly, happy and boy was I social as fuck. Damn, not for nothing but everyone loved me and if they didn't they were clearly jealous because I was really that Bitch! Freshman year, I stuck out, I had hot pink hair. This sophomore eyed me and I tried giving it a chance until I found out that two of my so called close friends in middle school and high school were hooking up with him behind my back. I let that go and just cut everyone out. Unhealthy and toxic on their part but also mine because I don't deal with my problems. That is another thing. DO NOT LET ME SHUT YOU OUT. It is a bad habit I do and there is no way I can lose you because of not being able to communicate and fix things effectively. I hope you don't leave me.
Sophomore year, I dated this guy who did not treat me well but then decided to open up randomly. He ended up cheating on me with not only his co worker but my Bestfriend. Thats the nutshell of everything but that's not the nutshell of what I was feeling. I cannot explain to you how hurt I constantly was, how damaged this one person made me feel. Who is in a relationship with someone you haven't seen for months and I am not talking about a functioning long distance relationship, but one where there was no communication. Do you know how damaging psychologically it was and then to add on to the fact that it was like that for 5 years? I had pieces of me stripped away slowly in which made me hate myself. In some degree, I also understand that it is my fault. I don't want to experience anything like this with you.
We can also talk about the breakup, I know I hurt you in some sense. I handled that situation wrong, I panicked, I regretted it. I still regret it. I knew at that moment how much you meant to me really because I was physically feeling it. I never want to hurt you in any way, I promise, I just do not know how to handle situations, sometimes I take my flight. Bare with me...
I don't want to say you're like them because I truly hope you're not but I am prepared for it because my past relationships have shown me there is something wrong with me but I cannot figure what out yet. I want you to tell me to when you notice something or is bothered by me. The point is, I have experienced these females first hand and if someone who was close to me did that to me then imagine a stranger that I don't know. I panic love, I do because I know I don't always make you happy but I see so much for us, I hope that there continues to be an us. I hope you know that I want to be as open with you as possible but I also don't want to dump my own shit on you. I hope you know I really love you forever.
You are there for me in ways no one else has ever been and I will be grateful for you always. Im willing to do anything for you. I want to grow and build with you. I want to answer any question you have for me.
I want you to understand the actual relationships I had and I feel like you do to a certain degree but how it drags into our relationship. It is not that I do not trust you because although you may not feel the same, you are so pure to me. You bring me such warmth and uplift me in ways that I cannot begin to thank you for.
I started off high school bubbly, happy and boy was I social as fuck. Damn, not for nothing but everyone loved me and if they didn't they were clearly jealous because I was really that Bitch! Freshman year, I stuck out, I had hot pink hair. This sophomore eyed me and I tried giving it a chance until I found out that two of my so called close friends in middle school and high school were hooking up with him behind my back. I let that go and just cut everyone out. Unhealthy and toxic on their part but also mine because I don't deal with my problems. That is another thing. DO NOT LET ME SHUT YOU OUT. It is a bad habit I do and there is no way I can lose you because of not being able to communicate and fix things effectively. I hope you don't leave me.
Sophomore year, I dated this guy who did not treat me well but then decided to open up randomly. He ended up cheating on me with not only his co worker but my Bestfriend. Thats the nutshell of everything but that's not the nutshell of what I was feeling. I cannot explain to you how hurt I constantly was, how damaged this one person made me feel. Who is in a relationship with someone you haven't seen for months and I am not talking about a functioning long distance relationship, but one where there was no communication. Do you know how damaging psychologically it was and then to add on to the fact that it was like that for 5 years? I had pieces of me stripped away slowly in which made me hate myself. In some degree, I also understand that it is my fault. I don't want to experience anything like this with you.
We can also talk about the breakup, I know I hurt you in some sense. I handled that situation wrong, I panicked, I regretted it. I still regret it. I knew at that moment how much you meant to me really because I was physically feeling it. I never want to hurt you in any way, I promise, I just do not know how to handle situations, sometimes I take my flight. Bare with me...
I don't want to say you're like them because I truly hope you're not but I am prepared for it because my past relationships have shown me there is something wrong with me but I cannot figure what out yet. I want you to tell me to when you notice something or is bothered by me. The point is, I have experienced these females first hand and if someone who was close to me did that to me then imagine a stranger that I don't know. I panic love, I do because I know I don't always make you happy but I see so much for us, I hope that there continues to be an us. I hope you know that I want to be as open with you as possible but I also don't want to dump my own shit on you. I hope you know I really love you forever.
You are there for me in ways no one else has ever been and I will be grateful for you always. Im willing to do anything for you. I want to grow and build with you. I want to answer any question you have for me.
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